I Do, Best Friends Forever

A Promise of I Do

21 years ago today I said, "I do." At the time I didn't know those words would be used against me.  A promise I made that would become the words that eventual bound and gagged me into silence, held me captive because after all...I made a promise to Love, Honor and Obey.

If I could go back in time and tell the younger me to run...would I...should I?  Honestly...I don't know.  Everything that's happened to me over the past 21 years made me the woman I am now.  To be honest, I've dreamed of never telling Michael I was pregnant in the first place.  It was something I battled with at the time...do I tell him or not?  I'm not sure who this other Kristy would be so I don't waste (too much) time in the pondering over what if's.  I might have found an easier path to the me I am today, but I never seem to take the easy route in life.

Of all the possessions I've lost over the years I laughed myself silly last week when I came across the video of my wedding day buried in a box of mementos.  I don't have a VCR and am glad for it....I'm not ready to watch that day in living color.  Yet part of me is curious to see the look in that girl's eyes...what was hidden in them back then?  Was she truly happy that day?  My son was so excited...I can still see his blue green eyes beaming up at me with the sun glinting off his blond hair after the I do's were said asking, "Are we married now mamma?"  In the thinking back on his innocent joy tears stream down my cheeks.  That day marked the loss of our innocence.  That day I put Sean in danger.  That day I put my unborn daughter in danger.  That fateful day changed my life forever. That day I married a monster.

Best Friends Forever

Me & Kat 1986 Maui

The one thing I am thankful for looking back on this day is my best friend Kathy.  She stood by my side that day as my Matron of Honor and remains by my side to this day.  So today, on this anniversary... I celebrate our friendship.

Since Kat and I met in 6th grade...friends, boyfriends and husbands have come and gone from our lives.  No matter how many miles or how much time have separated us over the years...when we talk...we're right back where we were..best friends.  Where we've always been.  The word "soul sister" comes to mind.  Sounds corny, but it's true.  Nothing has ever kept us apart...and people have tried.  I love her like the sister I've never had.  When the world runs out on us...we run to the other's side.  I suppose in a way ours is the truest love I've ever found.

We grew up together in Irvine, California.  We were friends, but not best friends until the summer between middle school and high school.  As if the Universe conspired to bring us together our mother's separately encouraged us to call the other.  Literally when I picked up the phone to dial her number...she was on the line.  Kismet. We met at Carl's Jr. sitting in a booth sharing a large order of their french fries as we chatted about what...I do not remember.  I miss those french fried though...gosh I think they were made of mashed potatoes...we bonded over french fries, ketchup and Coke. Yikes...add a Snicker's bar in there and that was pretty much our lunch during our high school years.  And yet we remained thin...Jinkies I'd like that metabolism back!

That silence I told you about...I didn't even tell Kathy about the abuse for years.  She and her husband came out to Colorado to visit me.  Michael put on a wonderful show of being a good husband and father.  When they left Michael did everything he could to put walls between me and Kathy.  A typical trait of abusers is to alienate their victims from the base of support.  He never could keep me from my family or Kathy.  Thank God!  That was my saving Grace.

Several years later Kathy and Dave moved to Colorado.  That was well over 10 years ago.  While each of us has moved away...we both come back to each other.  Best friends are a treasure more valuable than gold.  Treasure them...always.  I love you Kat!

Kristy